Category Archives: Behavior

Opinions, stories, and discussions about parents dealing with the behavior of their kids.

Natalie Munroe, A Glimpse Into The Mind Of Our Teachers

As you may or may not have heard, there’s a news story that’s burning up the parenting blogs at the moment. It seems that an English teacher from a Pennsylvania high school kept a blog, where she anonymously commented on a variety of subjects,which included her students. Eventually, just a short time ago, she was outed, and has since come forward and acknowledged that she, Natalie Munroe, is the teacher in question, and that the words from the blog entries are indeed all hers. Once the administration at her school, Central Bucks East High School, read her blog entries, they suspended her. While we may debate the appropriateness of her actions in writing about her students with such candor and such vitriol, the bigger picture here is the dramatically clear window into the mind of a teacher. We need to discuss the underlying issues that are addressed in her uncensored, unfiltered perspective. We need to examine it all, from teachers’ expectations to students’ level of effort to parental involvement. Will we take advantage of this blogger’s shaft of sunlight and use it to disinfect our system as best we can? One can only hope.

Below is a verbatim entry from Natalie Munroe’s blog. Continue reading →

I Don't Love You

pouting girl staring at cameraWe have all either heard it said to us or said it to our parents at one time. I don’t recall saying “I don’t love you” to my mom, but I’m guessing at one point in time I did say this to my stepdad before finally realizing he is a great guy. When I was 16 my mom and I got into a fight and I yelled “I hate you.”

Paybacks are no fun!

When Pack Rat gets mad at me one of the first things she will say is “I don’t love you.” She does know this isn’t nice and her intent is to hurt me. It works. And every time she pushes me away when I try to give her a hug it reminds me of the time my mom did the same to me when I tried to console her when her mother was ill. It hurts.

Just the other day my girls were fighting over who was going to wear the Hello Kitty nightgown. I took the nightgown away and Copy Cat started to cry. Then Pack Rat got sassy with her daddy. As I was tucking Pack Rat into bed I asked her if she noticed how sad Copy Cat was that no one got to wear the nightgown and how sad daddy was that she didn’t want him to help her brush her teeth. When I went to give her a hug she pushed me away. Fair enough.

A few minutes later Pack Rat decided she wanted to give me a hug. I didn’t give her one. I explained how she had hurt my feelings by not giving me a hug when I was tucking her into bed and that right now I needed a break. About 15 minutes later I went into her room to give her a hug and fix things before we both feel asleep, but I was too late.

What do you say or do when your child says, “I don’t love you.” I want my daughter to know that this is not acceptable. She is only 5 years old so I wonder if she will truly understand or comprehend how hurtful a seemingly “innocent” comment can be?

by Kelly Damron

Photo graciously provided by Heidi & Matt, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Don't Be Married To What It Looks Like

a path through a grassy meadowParenting is a journey. It’s a non-stop olympic event. It’s a gauntlet we voluntarily run. And you and I want to make it work, to achieve success as often as possible, so our kids become the adults of our dreams. But in the process, at times, we make ourselves crazy, especially when our kids stray from the desired path.

Sometimes it’s little things. Sometimes they demand to wear two different-colored socks. Or they choose to hang out with a kid we’re not overly fond of. Or they won’t say hi to Pastor Mike on the way out of the sanctuary.

And sometimes it’s big things. Sometimes they demand to have an extra hour out on a Saturday night, even though there’s that family visit early Sunday morning. Or they insist on not studying for an upcoming history exam. Or they refuse to apologize to their sister for hurting her feelings.

We want to get our kids to do these things, and in the moment, these things matter to us, a lot. And we get wound up about them. And we pull our hair and cry into our pillows and allow the frustration and the worry to consume us like a plague.

And I get that. It’s real. The pain, the anguish, the deep-seated, pit-of-our-stomach worry is real and it’s reasonable. It’s part of being a serious, devoted parent.

But sometimes it’s just not necessary.

So I say this to myself, and to you: Don’t Be Married To What It Looks Like.

In other words, when my kid heads down a path that is not one I would have them choose, I pause and check with myself, asking myself a few questions: Will they die? Will two different socks endanger them or cause them irreparable social outcasting? Will a night of staying out late and getting less sleep stunt their growth?

If the situation is serious, then sure, I’ve got to deal with it, and with my kid. If they’re making a poor choice and I need to convince them to choose a different path, then so be it. Maybe there will be a tense conversation, but I’ve got to accept that and get in there and do my job. However, if the risk that they are taking will give them a healthier ego, and if the worst possible outcome won’t be too much of a big deal, then I need to let them go and do and be happy with themselves, no matter what the result may look like.

If I keep a loose grip on my idea of success, if I keep my expectations balanced, if I accept whatever results emerge from the efforts of my children, I find happiness at the end of the day.

by Stu Mark

Photo graciously provided by fd, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

The Leniency Line

a mother looking down upon her young sonOne of my greatest struggles as a parent is determining how tough to be when it comes to my expectations of the boys. I’m quite sure there’s not a One Size Fits All answer to this question; rather, Hubby and I have to figure out what works best for each child on an individual basis.

Of course, that means that we have to balance being consistent with meeting those individual needs. This frequently causes conflict with siblings who think that everyone should be treated identically. We’re usually going more for reasonable rather than identical. Expectations are different for older children, but older children also get more privileges. I cannot, under those circumstances, treat the children the same because they are inherently different.

This is a point I imagine they’ll understand when they’re 25. If I’m lucky.

Meanwhile, we’re still working on the toughness/leniency dilemma. The thought occurs: this line doesn’t stay in the same place over time. Children who show developing responsibility and maturity are allowed more. Rules that were ironclad years ago are now disposable. Which makes this whole parenting gig additionally complex.

Can anyone tell me whether our own parents worried about all this stuff? Or is this neurosis unique to modern times?

For now, I guess we just keep doing our best and hope the kids see it that way when they come of age and repeat this process.

by AmyL

Photo graciously provided by pulihora, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Parenting In The Media: Easing Fears Through Bedtime Stories

Kids have fears. We all have our thoughts on how to address them. The noted literacy activist, Pam Allyn, wrote a thoughtful essay on how bedtime stories can ease childhood fears. The essay also includes fantastic recommendations for bedtime books (and who doesn’t love a good book recommendation?) -

    “When the sun goes down, fears come up. The blessing of a transcendent story for any age is that it helps us to escape, to relate, to connect and to understand the perils and magic of our mortal universe.

    Great children’s literature assures us that frail looking boys with scars on their foreheads can become heroes, spiders can write words to save lives and bunnies can go to bed fearlessly. Great children’s literature inspires us to want to live backwards: to live as openly and tenderly as a child.”

Read the rest of the essay here.

Don’t know Pam? Here’s her bio from Scholastic: Pam Allyn is the Executive Director and founder of LitLife, a nationally known literacy development organization providing innovative, research-based professional development for K-12 educators. She was the Director of Funded Projects for The Teachers College Reading and Writing Project and also the Founding Director of Books for Boys, a reading initiative for New York’s foster care children. Allyn has received several commendations for her work, including a Points of Light/Disney award for her literacy work and a James Patterson Page Turner Award.

Any thoughts? Got some ideas for fear-reduction? Do you play-act or have family forums or private talks? Do you avoid fear-talk (to avoid exacerbating the situation)? What’s your way to defeat the boogie man?