Tag Archives: adults


The Son Comes Up – Again.

If your child wants to move back home…

“Ask, will it have it’s advantages? Yes. Will they outweigh the disadvantages…?” (Quote from my spouse)

My husband and I became empty nesters around six months ago. We totally downsized our lives. Yes, we went from a 2500 sq ft., three story home, high taxes, higher prices to a one floor home under 975 sq ft. We were lucky in the recession/depression: we had enough money to pay off every credit card and put a down payment on the smaller home. Continue reading

Sonicare Toothbrush With Water

Teeth: A Necessary Evil

When I was a little girl, the frequent visits to the dentist didn’t bother me too much. The laughing gas was fun, at least at first. I didn’t truly appreciate the severity of a cavity or a filling. As I grew into an early teen, I started to dread the dentist and would forgo the laughing gas because it made me sick to my stomach. It wasn’t like I neglected my teeth; I didn’t. Continue reading

Do Not Play Favorites

I have always believed very strongly that a parent should do everything they can to avoid falling into the trap of favoritism. When a parent adores one child over another, either openly or subtly, the child who feels that he or she is less loved never shakes that feeling. It can cloud their entire life. I’ve seen this in those close to me, friends and relatives, and the results always seem to be same. This feeling of “Why did Mom or Dad love my brother or sister more?” can undermine their very sense of self.

A friend of mine just lost his father after a lengthy battle with cancer. HIs father, it turns out, named my friend as executor of the estate, but the kicker is that he has left everything to his other two children: my friend’s brother and sister. I am beside myself with the what I consider to be a huge slap in the face.

When asked why, my friend simply says that his father always loved the brother and sister more.

Knowing his father only in passing, I have a feeling that what’s more to the point is that while my friend is an entirely self sufficient adult, capable of starting and growing his own home business and raising a wonderful family, his siblings definitely are not. They needed taking care of well into adulthood. Whether it was because of because their father did everything for them and they never learned themselves, or because they are just inherently slackers or because they used their father’s weakness to their advantage, they always managed to garner more attention and get more “stuff” in the process. My friend, never asking for anything, never got much of anything: attention or otherwise.

I wish that my friend’s father were still alive. I’d tell him the damage he did with this less than stellar parenting. I would make him see that of his three children, it was my friend (and his amazing wife) who was there throughout the cancer, throughout the doctor’s appointments, the search for a skilled nursing home, everything. My friend was always willing to drop his life to take care of his father. You couldn’t say the same for the brother or the sister.

I would show his father how wonderful a son he has in my friend. I know it. I just wish that his father were the type of parent who could see that the point of being a parent is to one day no longer be needed by your children. It is to train them well enough that they can stand on their own, without assistance. This man never told my friend that he is proud of the person his son had become. Now, it’s too late.

by Rocket Science Mom

"Excuse me, Momma"

Even when I have time off, I seem to bring my kids with me. Yesterday, I escaped from home for a few hours to get my hair colored. It is about my only indulgence and one of the few times I get to be on my own without kids in tow. While talking with the hairdresser about children, we found we held similar beliefs on how to handle it when our children interrupt our adult conversations. We both thought that to interrupt our conversation was no small price to pay to answer something our kids needed to ask. Upon further reflection, though, I find that while I do believe that adults can more easily hit the pause button in their conversations to take care of a question of a child, there are times when I do make them wait their turn.

In my heart, I don’t mind putting any adult conversation on hold to answer a question or address a need that one of my children have. I am working to teach them to say “excuse me” when interrupting, and figure that using manners is lessen enough. Plus, at least with my children, I have found that they sometimes forget what it was that they were going to ask me in the first place if I have them wait until I finish my conversation. That leads to unnecessary frustration that could have been avoided.

Then there are times like last summer when we were on vacation in Canada with my Mom, brother, step Dad and step sister. I was having a conversation with my Mom and brother, and (no exaggeration) I couldn’t get more than four words out at a time before my son or daughter needed something and needed it RIGHT NOW. After not finishing a single thought, and making sure that they were in no immediate danger and suffering from no emergency situation, I asked them to just wait until I was done with my conversation (or I would have lost my mind).

So, while I’d like to think I will always pleasantly allow them to interrupt my adult conversations with a polite “Excuse me Momma”, I am pretty sure there will be times when I’d just like to finish my sentence.

by Rocket Science Mom

Photo graciously provided by maz hewitt, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

My Dad's Birthday

a single red candle that is litBy the time this post reaches the internet, it will be the week of my Dad’s birthday. He’d have been 65. He died when he was only 50, and I was only 26. My Dad never saw me get married, or met my children, or did so many things that I wish he’d been around to do.

I wanted to focus on missing my Dad in this post. As much as I missed him when I was young and single, I miss him even more now that I am married and with children. My son and daughter would have loved him. And there is no doubt in my mind that he would have adored them. They only know of him from my stories and the picture of him when he was in his 20s in the Air Force hanging in our upstairs hallway.

He was the type of man who seemed to have infinite patience with his children, or at least that’s how I remember things. I can recall sitting on our picnic table on the back porch, looking up at the sky, and asking him any and all questions about life, the universe and everything that came to my seven year old brain. He seemed to have an answer for each question and was always willing to answer just one more.

While my father had his own personal issues, he always had time for his children. When he spent time with us, we were his focus and the most important thing in his world. I hope that my own children feel half as important to me as I always felt I was to my Dad.

On this anniversary of his birth, I just wanted to say…

I miss you Dad. You’d have been a great Grandpa.

by Rocket Science Mom

Photo graciously provided by Rickydavid, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved