For most of my life I have been one of those people who says what they mean. Sometimes I considered what other people would think or say and sometimes I did not. It was no secret if I did not like you because I was comfortable letting you know that I didn’t. The truth was you didn’t like me either so why pretend? What is interesting about my demeanor is that I was/am a very kind, open and loving person. I just didn’t like to pretend everything was good when it clearly was not. Unfortunately, an “open” policy is not the best or easiest way to get through life.
After my girls were born I started working on making my internal person become more in line with my exterior shell. I no longer say it like I really want too (oh I do in my head), but instead I make calculated decision about what I say, when I say it and to whom. The “new” me is due to many hours in counseling and the help of some amazing books in addition due to maturity thanks to growing older. I have had to process some ugly things from my past and getting rid of those skeletons has really helped mellow me out.
With my husband I tend to be the voice of reason. I’ll offer him some advice and he’ll be quiet. He will often admit that my perspective or advice is sound, but that he will choose not to follow it. The other night I told him he had a choice, you can do this or you can do that. He admitted that he knew he had a choice. I’m making progress on him, but don’t let him know that. The other day he actually repeated something I said to his father. It was all I could do not to point out that it was the same advice I had given him, nah, better to let him think he came up with them all on his own.
Right now I do not feel like the voice of reason because I am very upset about something and I ranted to my husband; something I have not done in months. He laughed when I noted that I know better than to rant and to let the matter upset me. Yet, he is upset about the same thing too so he thinks my rant is on point and totally funny.
I have an idealistic expectation to always be the voice of reason. I feel like I should not let anything bother me. As we all know, that would be unrealistic because we are all way too emotionally to reason through everything. Truly for the past 6 -12 months have been able to process and let go of issues that might have otherwise upset me. So I ask myself, why does this issue bother me so much? Why can’t I just let it go? We’ll the truth is, I can. I just have to choose to do so.
We all have a choice. I wish other people could see they have choices too. Not everyone wants to accept or embrace the choices in front of them. Staying in victim mode or continuing the conflict does not give you real power, only perceived power. If only they knew the real power is in the choice to let go, they would be so much happier. And I feel better now too since I have made the decision to move on and not let this issue bother me any more.
by Kelly Damron
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