Tag Archives: Behavior

Grand Theft Childhood

psp playstation portableThere’s been a lot of uproar from a lot of parents concerning the release of the video game Grand Theft Auto. And for the folks who are reading this column who object to sexism and violence prima facie, I’m ok with that. I respect taking a blanket stand on anything that displays sexism or racism or violence. So, you folks, you are free to go.

However, the rest of you who understand that violent video games have an effect on children and, therefore, believe that the only alternative is that the games in question should be banned, allow me my say: I disagree.

Video games are not only classified in the same way as motion pictures, they are also examined extensively on the internet. So it’s pretty easy to make an informed decision as to which games you’ll allow your kid to play. If a game is clearly labeled “M” for “Mature,” it seems that a rational parent would take that as a big hint when they are out shopping for their kids’ games. And if the classification labeling on games seems fuzzy, the internet will most assuredly provide additional info for you to study.

I have read the same studies and APA articles that have undoubtedly befell your eyes. And I get it, kids who play violent video games become more aggressive. But games like Grand Theft Auto are specifically made for adults, just like the novels of Phillip Roth and Bret Easton Ellis and Chuck Palahniuk and Erica Jong. We wouldn’t call for their novels to be banned, ’cause, y’know, the Constitution and all. But video games seem to be treated differently, as kids aren’t falling over themselves trying to get their mitts on Portnoy’s Complaint.

So, where does this leave us? My opinion: Active Parenting.

I have two kids, a 12 (going on 40) year-old girl and a 16 year-old boy. While my daughter’s taste in video games doesn’t extend much beyond the subject of pet-care or puzzles, my son enjoys a variety of games on a variety of platforms. His favorites include driving games, but nothing more violent than that.

Except World Of Warcraft.

I played Dungeons And Dragons when I was an adolescent, as well as a post-adolescent. When I was hipped to WoW, I fell in love with it, fell hard. So it seemed reasonable that my son would take an interest. And when I considered all the ramifications, I felt that our parenting would, in the end, leave more of an impression on him than the violence he would encounter within the online game. So I let him give it a try and he, too, fell hard.

And yet he is still an intensely non-violent person, both in thought and in deed. The other day, during a soccer match, a player on the other team took a solid hit. Without blinking, my son ran to the hurt kid and helped him, checking him to make sure he was ok, empathizing with him over the pain of injury. My kid understands that there is a Grand Canyon of a difference between killing a monster in a video game and caring for a fellow human in real life.

And that’s because we take our roles as parents seriously. We talk a lot about morality at our house. We certainly let the kids make their own decisions, but we don’t do it idly. We investigate, we discuss, we provide talking points and alternative theories and concepts. It’s not difficult to do, and it provides our kids with both a moral foundation and a sense of independence, of self-confidence.

So I offer this opinion – Banning is an easy way out, and it is a very slippery slope. If you find yourself providing a level of protection for your child that causes you to question your own behavior, take a moment to consider an alternative. Consider *not* protecting them, and, instead, consider teaching them the way you would want to be taught – with respect, dignity, and trust.

…just a thought…

by Stu Mark

Photo graciously provided by recompose, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved


[tags]aggression, aggressive, behavior, censorship, children, Grand Theft Auto, kids, Parenting, parents, personal responsibility, social, society, video games, violence[/tags]

Reinforcing Behaviors

one kid pushing another kid on a bikeIt’s lunchtime as I write this, and I’m sitting in a family-friendly restaurant. Near me is a table with two mothers and a bunch of children. The two oldest, about 7 and about 5, in identical tie-dyed shirts, seem to be brothers. About a minute ago their mom took them to the rest room, where they are now screaming. They had been whining more and more loudly for the prior fifteen minutes–complaints about wanting juice and somebody not sharing. But sometimes the whines had no words; the boys sounded like babies. When I first heard them I kept looking at their table, expecting to find two distressed infants.

I’m now trying to figure out why these boys think it’s a good idea to whine like babies. Before their mom removed them from the able, she was conversing with the other mom, responding to the boys only when they got really annoying. Maybe by letting herself be interrupted only when they whined and screamed, she was training them to whine and scream. And since they were making the same noise they would have as babies, perhaps they learned this behavior very young. But I ought to stop myself: I shouldn’t make judgments about this family. Maybe the boys are under some stress I can’t see, and eating at a restaurant is more than they can manage today.

So I’ll think about what bad behaviors Peter and I are reinforcing in our own kids. They’re 4 and 5 years old; we adopted them at nearly 3 and nearly 4. At the time, they were so eager to behave well that we said our parenting mantra was, “Don’t wreck them!” We’ve extinguished some inappropriate behaviors they developed in the orphanage–for instance spitting in anger and eating from each other’s plates. And we’ve taught them to say “Please” and “Thank you” and to try to talk instead of fighting. So sometimes I feel we’re doing a good job.

But other times I don’t. When I hear recreational burping at the table, see K cross her arms and stomp out of a room, or hear M faking an “I’m hurt!” cry, I remember that our kids didn’t come with these behaviors,” we must be responsible. Perhaps M dawdles shutting off his light at bedtime because Peter and I model working late, past when we ought to go to bed. Perhaps K lets herself sniffle awhile before blowing her nose because I do.

What disturbs me most is that Peter and I might be reinforcing undesirable behaviors that we can’t imagine and won’t see for years.

by Deborah L. Blicher

Photo graciously provided by Erik Kolstad, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved.

Parenting Your Preadolescent: Chapter One

outdoor running trackBen is rushing headlong into adolescence, and I’ve realized that I need to stay current and update a few of my time-honored parenting strategies. Let me lay out a recent scenario for you in order to illustrate just how I’m going to need to change things up:

A few days ago, Ben started intramural track and field after school. That morning, he wondered aloud whether there was anything in particular he needed to bring with him for practice. I told him that he might want to wear sneakers to school instead of his usual (and winter-battered) hikers. Judging from his response to what I’d thought was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, you’d think I’d asked him to stick his head in a pot full of boiling water.

“Why would I need to do THAT?,” he pouted. “My hikers are fine. They’re a lot like sneakers, anyway. No one ever said we had to wear sneakers.”

I replied, “Usually, when people run and jump, they wear sneakers. It’s possible that your instructor assumed you’d wear sneakers – that she thought it was so obvious that it didn’t need to be said. Besides, your hikers are so bent down at the heel at this point that they may just slip right off your feet when you try to sprint in them.”

Ben glared at me. “I don’t need sneakers,” he snapped. I shrugged. End of dialogue.

Yesterday morning, on what would be his second afternoon of track and field practice, I noticed that just before he left for school he grabbed his sneakers and shoved them into his backpack. But first he glanced at me to make sure that I wasn’t watching him.

As he did, I tried to look otherwise occupied. But I was watching, and I did see.

Next time Ben asks me for my input in making a decision or choosing a course of action, I’m going to respond with the choice I believe to be less attractive and expect that he’ll automatically do the opposite.

Yes, it’s the decidedly unsophisticated, old-fashioned, and deceptive (don’t forget deceptive!) method of reverse psychology. Ben’s almost eleven, and it’s time.

by Slouching Mom

[tags] Behavior, children, feelings, kids, Parenting, parents, preadolescence, preadolesent, school, sneakers, strategy[/tags]

Photo graciously provided by HKmPUA, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved