Tag Archives: Relationships

Lights Out

We’ve been having some weather here in SoCal these past few weeks. Interesting to get weather here, as we normally have a steady 72º and Sunny. This new weather consists of gentle rain, with the occasional gusts of wind. The past 24 hours brought us more of this new weather, expanded, with heavier rain and gusts up to 35mph or so. Mostly a neato experience, especially for our daughter, who loves, loves, loves the rain.

However, there was a slight hiccup: Sunday, mid-day, as the winds picked up, a large bit of storm debris brought down a nearby power line, and our neighborhood was thrust into darkness. Well, it was mid-day, so maybe not darkness. But the house sure went quiet, with all our electronic gizmos asleep.

So there we were, four humans in search of path out of the boredom. Enter: The “Family Guy” version of Monopoly. Many, many hours later, our daughter was declared the winner – we all did the math and realized that no matter what numbers the dice produced, none of us would escape her Donald Trump-like grasp.

It was absolutely lovely, one of those blessed moments that balance everything out. And when the power came back on, we kept playing, laughing, chatting… Best part: We called a brief break so I could start dinner, and during the break, I overheard our two kids (normally mortal enemies) forming an alliance, creating a strategy to beat us. That was a genuine slice of heaven indeed.

More weather is coming, and we may lose power again over the next day or so. I won’t mind.

by Stu Mark

Photo graciously provided by visualpanic, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Sometimes You've Just Got To Want It

Sometimes you’ve just got to want it. You’ve heard that before, right? Maybe it was said by your coach or by a teacher. Maybe it was in a made-for-tv movie. Some wisened leader, leaning down to offer inspiration, suggesting that this was one of those moments when skill alone wouldn’t get the job done, that desire was the missing ingredient.

And sometimes it’s true. Sometimes desire is indeed the missing ingredient. Even in our own parenting, our skill, technique, brains… these will only get us so far when the mess hits the fan.

But I assert this: Sometimes you’ve *just* got to want it. Meaning that there are moments in the parent/child dynamic when the only neccesity is desire, moments when the only thing your child needs to see is that you want whatever it is that they want. Sometimes wanting is enough.

Sure, there are times when the answer is “no.” Sometimes there’s a reason why you can’t provide for your child’s desires. Maybe it’s a safety issue, maybe an economic one, maybe you are just incapable of whatever it is that they are begging for.

But that “no” doesn’t have to be the end of it. Because you can show them that you’d rather say “yes,” that you honestly want to say “yes.” You can look your kid in the eye and say, “I *want* you to get what you want,” and that just may be enough for them. It won’t satisfy them completely, but knowing that your mom or dad really wants you to be happy, well, that can make for a pretty decent consolation prize.

by Stu Mark

Grandparents

Time, they say, heals all wounds. While I don’t think this applies for every situation I do know that there is some truth to the statement. Five years ago we brought our daughters home from the hospital on Thanksgiving day. They had been born premature at 30 weeks gestation (which is 10 weeks too soon). They had spent 7 weeks in the Neonatal ICU and we were so excited to get the call to bring them home on the holiday.

Everyone was at our house anxiously awaiting the call from the hospital. The turkey was in the oven and the holiday spirit was in the air. My relationship with the in-laws was tense, to say the least. Things got worse in the days following our happy event. At one point I was ready to leave my husband because of the in-law situation.

My husband and I worked though our issues with the help of a counselor. Also, I think reading my book, Tiny Toes, gave him a new perspective into our relationship and that with the in-laws. I spent many hours in the counselors office working through my own childhood issues that were impacting me as an adult. Slowly the relationship between me and the in-laws improved.

It is funny how time can change things. This year they arrived a couple of days before Thanksgiving and I was happy to see them. I actually enjoy their company. Even more, though, I have to admit I love watching my girls enjoying time with Grandpa and Grandma. It truly fills my heart with joy.

I want my daughters to have a close relationship with their grandparents. It is something that I really never had and always wished it had been different. We would visit family about once-per-year. I didn’t get to hear stories about what it was like for my grandmothers when they were growing up. In fact, there are too many family secrets on my side of the family. So, I am encouraging the relationship between the grandparents (both sets) and my daughters. And hopefully when my girls have their families they will do the same.

What are some of the wonderful memories you have with your parents and your children?

by Kelly Damron

Spending Quality Time

Sometimes I wonder whether my working full time will have had an impact on the amount of time that my children will remember having spent with me. Being one of those overachieving parents, I am often too hard on myself about whether I am reaching my parenting goals.

Then there are those times that remind you that it’s not the amount but the quality of the time you spend that matters.

Now that my son is in first grade, and going to a new school, I drop him off before coming to work and dropping my daughter off at our on-site child care center. That means my daughter and I spend 10 extra minutes together alone on that last leg of the drive. Instead of listening to music or watching a DVD on the player in the car, I have found that she often just wants to chat. So those ten minutes (to and then again from her school) have turned into this lovely one on one time, where the two of us get to talk about whatever she is on her mind. Although I am driving, she has my undivided attention, and I can listen to all of the magnificent thoughts in her beautiful little blond head.

When I look back on my week, I feel really warm and happy about the special time we’ve spent on our drives. Then I remember how I felt when I had those same small moments growing up when I had my grandparents or my parents all to myself.

I am beyond grateful for these special moments and will always cherish them, and I know that when she’s my age, she might look back on tine she spent with Mom and feel as warm inside as I do now. In a way, that’s part of the “I will always be with you” that we moms promise our little ones from the day they are born.

by Rocket Science Mom

Photo graciously provided by Yelnoc, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Daughters, How Do You Survive?

I have two children. One boy and one girl. I love them both with all of my heart. I have written here a few times about dealings with my son, but have seldom written about my daughter. I was thinking about why that is and believe that in a lot of ways, I am still at a loss as to how to be the mother of a girl.

When I had my son, I felt fairly confident in being a mom. I am not a typical girly-girl myself, and was always more drawn to math, science, Legos, and the like. You will hardly find any dresses in my closet. I have spent most of my life in the company of men: college, graduate school, my work as an engineer. Most of the people I come into contact with and consider friends are men. I am very comfortable dealing with those of the masculine.

Yet, I am blessed with the most girly of little girls in my second child. I even used her desire to wear dresses to school as the carrot to get her to potty train and still use it try to get her to stay in her bed through the night.

She’s one of the most charming, strong-willed, independant women I have ever met, and often pushes those personality “muscles” against me, the other main female example in her lift, on a daily basis. I love her to bits and am really proud of her and the person she is becoming. She is absolutely going to change the world.

Still, when it comes to relating to her and dealing with her emotional issues, I sometimes feel as though we come from different worlds. It’s a struggle to be the parent of a girl; a job I never thought I’d be any good at. The jury is still out on whether or not I am.

Every day I hope to be the best Mom I can be, to both my son and my daughter. Every day they inspire and impress me. I only hope that I can do the same in return.