Tag Archives: stress

Reduce Stress With Small Change

exploding firework on black backgroundHappy New Year, everyone! Hard to believe that we’re already 4 days into 2010 but there you have it. Calendars won’t be denied.

I don’t know about you, but a particular quirk (curse?) of mine is constant analysis/evaluation of life, particularly how well I’m doing at any given activity. Stress has been too high for a few months now, and I don’t like where that has taken me.

One of the bad things about being in a stressed state is a reduced ability to solve problems. This makes things worse, don’t you agree? Another not-so-nice feature of stress is the magnifying glass it seems to put between you and problems. They just seem….bigger.

It’s easy when you’re feeling bad to look at those bigger problems you don’t know how to solve and just shut down. I think the worst thing about being stressed is what it does to the family. Rather than feeling like playing with my kids or even just enjoying them a little, my mind is cluttered with todo lists and problems. Not cool.

New Year’s is the big time to make resolutions; the assumption is you set goals for the year and your life will improve. That’s all well and good, but I’m not making any resolutions right now. Instead, I’m making changes. One tiny change at a time.

It’s amazing how much better life can feel with even one problem out of the way. Equally amazing (and frequently ironic) is how easy it can be to solve some of those problems. Case in point: Hubby and I had a giant desk that needed to be removed from our house. I stared at it for ten months, getting dusty and cluttered, before I finally taught myself how to post a sale ad on CraigsList. Honestly, I didn’t believe for a second that anyone would buy it. But they did! And came to pick it up to boot. All I had to do was clean it off.

Now that it’s gone, I’m enjoying looking at the big bare spot where it used to sit. I’m also breathing a bit easier, knowing that what seemed like an insurmountable task is over and done with. On to the next one. Which seems easier now, since I can look at my empty carpet and breathe a little easier now that that item is off my todo list.

I realized yesterday that I haven’t written a todo list in a while. I’ve thought about making resolutions or even just some monthly goals, but the whole idea just sets my teeth on edge. So I’m not doing it. No resolutions for me! I think I’ll stick to the small change strategy instead.

Did I mention that I actually went sledding with the boys last week? I did! It was fun too, so much so that I almost went again this afternoon. I opted to go shopping and finish some errands instead, but at least I did something fun recently.

That’s a start.

by AmyL

Photo graciously provided by visiticeland@hotmail.com, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Sometimes Peace Comes Through Start-Overs

green path through trees to long distant hammockI’m running late today, and that’s okay with me. After a week that was, well let’s just say unpleasant, I think it’s safe to say that we’re having a recovery period. Stress levels for the adults have been through the roof and unfortunately that translated to being too busy and too short with the kids. Not good, and the guilt just makes the stress levels higher.

Ending the week was a rather spectacular blowout between me and a friend, and I compounded the issue by stomping round the house and growling at the children. To their credit, they were patient and cautious while I worked out my issues. Thanks boys.

Sunday afternoon I started to snap at The Mercenary (age 11) and Hubby stopped me mid-sentence. He was right, of course. I was letting my temper get the best of me too easily.

So. Time to start over. Again.

Hubby and I are in the process of identifying causes of stress and determining whether they can be eliminated or not. The cutbacks I mentioned last week are already helping, if only in that they give me the illusion of control over something (even if it’s just the grocery budget).

I apologized to the boys Friday morning for my behavior, and also for the stressed environment we’ve all been in lately. On top of that, I’m slowing down and letting go. Jobs that I’ve agreed to in life that just plain suck the life out of me are on the chopping block. Avoiding the news is helpful too although I don’t recommend that on the weekend that we change the clocks. It can result in arriving at church an hour early. Ahem.

Just knowing that relief is on the horizon has already brought me relief. I’m feeling more peaceful, which means I’m able to deal with challenges more gracefully. One of the terrible things about this is how the boys have started to reflect my temper with anger of their own. Ouch. At least it’s an opportunity to demonstrate the need to be graceful with each other.

For my part I’m trying to complain less if the boys miss a chore, and either ask nicely and without any kind of accusing tone or do them a favor and take care of it myself. I’m also working on doing things that are fun; I’ve gotten too far away from that. It’s sad how when you’re stressed you can actually keep yourself in that state by refusing to relax and do something that brings a smile.

So, I’m running late today. Rather than stress about getting my post up exactly on time I sat down and enjoyed a peaceful lunch with my boys, and then I finished their school by reading some fun books together.

I guess I’m living my goal of being an example for the boys. Last week I was the example of what not to do. Hopefully I can be the example of what TO do going forward.

by AmyL

Photo graciously provided by bullfrogphoto, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Muffin Mondays

plate with muffin and blueberriesDo you remember before your first child wondering what “wipes warmer”, “sleep positioner”, and “sippy cups” were?  Then in a couple weeks, frankly even a couple hours, you were all over the terms like they had been part of your vocabulary since the day you were born?

I remember feeling like that the first time I went into Babies R US.  I was just a few months pregnant and I was so overwhelmed with the amount of baby items, specifically the amount of baby items I had never heard of before, I burst into tears.  Not too much later though, I was confidentially advising friends what to buy and what to skip as if my little sobfest in the stroller aisle never happened.

This past Tuesday I somehow ended up leading a PTO meeting and then becoming president.  It actually went really well.  However, that weekend before it brought back memories of my Babies R US experience.  It started out fine.  I looked through the bylaws.  Fundraising, volunteering, enrichment projects, those were all pretty much what I thought the PTO did.  I could handle it.  It was much like how I knew that babies needed diapers, clothes and at some point shoes.

I began to scribble notes for a PowerPoint Presentation.  Much like how there’s a choice of diapers, there’s a choice of fundraising projects and enrichment programs.  I was feeling a little nervous, but alright with it.  Then I got to the next part.  I swear this part was just like the “wipes warmer” and anything else that got filed under the “what the heck is this and why do I need it/need to do it?!”  That was Muffin Monday and Treat Tuesday.  I had no idea what it was and I couldn’t figure it out.

The feeling of being overwhelmed set in and I had a brief sobfest.  My husband thought that something was very wrong and had to fight back laughter when I told him about Muffin Monday.  I remember him having the same reaction to my crying over the wipes warmer.  I made a couple of phone calls, checked the budget out and finally figured out what it was.  Basically the hospitality coordinator asks parents to send in muffins for the teachers but it was up to the hospitality coordinator whether or not they want to do this and how often.  Again, much like deciding whether or not to purchase a wipes warmer.

It’s funny how the more things change with parenting, the more they stay the same.  Yes, the specific details are different, but the underlying feelings and concepts really don’t seem to be.

by Alex Elliot

Photo graciously provided by heart, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

My Mood, Their Moods

delicate pastel orange and pink flowersHave you ever noticed that you children emulate your mood? While I have noticed this in the past, I had forgotten how strongly my mood impacts my daughters’ moods. Last week I was sad. After a week of running around and visiting family I thought I was just having a hard time adjusting to being back home again. But it was more than that, I was/am sad about one of my family relationships and it impacted the mood of everyone around me.

My husband came home from work one day and said, “Did I do anything?” I responded with, “No, you haven’t done anything.” Poor guy. I actually felt sorry for him having to put up with me.

With my sad mood, my girls were reacting badly. They were not doing anything I asked them too. Everything was an ordeal. I felt like I was fighting with them everyday and all day. By the time my husband got home I was frazzled. So one night last week, I went out by myself for a couple of hours. I had a pleasant time and started to feel better. When I returned home, my husband was frazzled. He had resorted to letting them watch TV because they were in such a mood after I left.

We discussed possible reasons they might be acting out. My first thought was that it was due to our diet while on vacation – a lack of healthy choices. Then I thought it was because their schedule was all messed up or that maybe they were not getting enough stimulation during the day. But then one day everything changed…

I was finally able to pull myself out of my mini-depression (it lasted only 4-5 days, but seemed longer). Then low and behold, my girls started following directions again. They were happy and playing well together. So was it their diet, their schedules or me? I know what my guess is.

Do your children react so strongly to your mood?

by Kelly Damron

Photo graciously provided by tanakawho, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved

Stopping to Enjoy the Breeze

blurred shot of summer trees and grassI don’t know about you, but my summer has been positively flying past. Has your summer been going so fast that you can’t keep up? What ever happened to the long lazy days of yesteryear? Is this just my perception, or has life really sped up recently?

Even though we home school, I’ve loosely followed the local school calendar so that the boys are free to play with their friends during vacations. We finished up school the first week in June and then the whirlwind began. Between camps, visiting family, and keeping up with myriad other tasks and events, I don’t know how we got to the end of July so quickly. Only 4 or 5 weeks from now, we’ll need to start the new school year.

I can think of two different times this summer that I’ve stopped to take a deep breath and relax. The boys have had some relaxing days but certainly not the long lazy days of “I’m booored” and “there’s nothing to doooooo”. I think boredom is a good thing for kids to experience and overcome. Am I crazy to want that for them?

Resolved: We’ll carve out some days to just relax and play with friends. Find some time to go to the beach and sit in the sand watching the waves and feeling the wind in our hair. Make the most of the warm days and each other while we can.

What about you? How’s your summer going? Are you stressed and crazy, running from one activity to the next? Or are you finding time to savor each day as it passes?

by AmyL

Photo graciously provided by Zen, through a Creative Commons license, some rights reserved